Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
