k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
