so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
