Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
