Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
