I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
