I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
