Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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