3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
