I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
