I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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