the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Boobs are out for the taking
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
