Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
