I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize