When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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