Will you blow on my dice?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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