She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
