Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
