dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
