It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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