i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
