also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
