Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
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You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
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Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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