i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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