I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
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She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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