Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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