Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
