Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just forgot I was standing up.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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