I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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