phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm like, not good at living.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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