Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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