He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
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Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
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The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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