sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
