I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
