Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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