They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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