It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
