What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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