Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
