Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
