Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
