my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
