Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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