ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
