I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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