Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
