just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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