I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
