end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
