Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
