The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
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Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
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This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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