I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
People in love make me want to vomit
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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