Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
