Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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