Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Randomize
