OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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