idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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