I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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