I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
