no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I smell like Dick and happiness
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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