ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My dick has a subreddit
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
