I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
No subtext here. People are naked.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
