and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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