It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
