apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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