so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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