did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Why are your pants in the freezer?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
