apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
