i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
