I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
