i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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