I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
