Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
