Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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