i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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