I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
