Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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